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Reliance

Hey there,


Happy Friday! We are through another week of quarantine. So much has changed so rapidly. The new normal has started to settle in, but my heart is still longing for just a little sense of normalcy. What I wouldn’t give to have a weekend filled with family; spending Friday night sitting around my parents counter talking, laughing, and sharing a bottle of wine; waking up on Saturday morning to run and bopping around town doing errands and visiting my sister and sweet nieces and then cooking some new recipe for dinner with Ian, laughing as we chat about things that happened through the week while simultaneously dancing to new music we are exploring in the kitchen together followed by a movie; waking up early on Sunday morning for mass and then grabbing a quick tea, eating brunch, and visiting my grandparents. All simple things, all things I’m missing really badly right now. I’m missing quality time with some of my favorite people on this planet. Phone calls and video chats have become my new best friend and while I’m so, So, SO grateful for these things, they don’t replace the in- person human contact my heart so deeply longs for.


Ian sent me this song last week,

I have continuously been drawn to this song over the course of the week.

The lyric, “My sense of wonder is just a little tired” has become my honest, repetitive prayer to Jesus. If you have read my previous post, Songbirds, you know my word for this year is wonder. I had no idea how prevalent this word would be this year, especially when we are only 3.5 months in. As I dug deeper into the lyrics of this song, I was intrigued to know what was behind the lyrics. I looked up what Dermot Kennedy had to say about this song. He states, “Lost is a song I wrote about resilience and reliance. Bad things can happen and when they do, when you’re tested, you’re going to need the love and the shelter of certain people to hold you up and guide you through whatever storm you find yourself in. It’s about holding each other up through bad times.”


Reliance: Dependence on or trust in someone or something.


This hasn’t been an easy time for me. This hasn’t been an easy time for anyone. We are all struggling with the dramatic changes our lives have undergone the past month. Everyone’s situation is unique and we are all filled with so many questions that often leave us feeling exhausted because as much as we speculate and try to control the situation, we are left to the realization that we really don’t know what is around the corner. I have learned the art of reliance. The necessity of reliance. The humility of reliance. I can’t do this on my own. By myself I will drown. By practicing reliance on God and reliance on those I love that God has placed in my life, I will float down this torrent and make it to shore.


Ian has been such a rock for me during this time. I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love for this man that will soon be my husband. I admire him and I have been so blessed to have him walk with me through this journey. I have been a little low on inspiration the past week so for this post I decided to change it up a bit. I decided, with his permission, to share something he wrote a few months back. It’s his meditation regarding a song called New York City by Among Savages. I thought this was fitting as New York is currently the epicenter of the COVID outbreak. I love how he takes the song apart literally lyric by lyric and writes his thoughts and meditations on those lyrics. He ends each lyric section with a segment of a prayer and at the end he puts the whole prayer together and it is absolutely beautiful. I rely on Ian so much for inspiration and for strength and encouragement when I’m struggling. That’s the beauty of relationship. Just like Dermot said, “It’s about holding each other up through bad times.” I hope Ian’s heart inspires you and helps lift you up during this time, just like his heart inspires me so much. So, without further ado, meet Ian’s heart….



Facebook is good for a lot of things. One function in particular is when it shows your memories of things you have posted from past years. Sometimes when you see these memories you feel like, “Oh my! Who was I?” or “Why did I post that?” Other times we see who we were is still who we are today and the feelings we once had are still the feelings that tug on our heart strings now. The things that spoke to us once, we can still sympathize and empathize with.


Tonight, I opened Facebook and received a memories notification and oh boy, it was a doozie and really spoke to me.


Post 7 years ago:


“I was wishing we could go back to how it was before age impaired our reach”

~ Pioneers by The Lighthouse and the Whaler

Let’s keep those lyrics going…


“I was wishing we could go back to how it was before our age impaired our speech”


Impaired: Weakened or damaged; having a disability of a specified kind.

Go back to an age where I didn’t feel weakened or damaged…an age I didn’t feel disabled….


Go BACK TO an age?....Interesting…I guess especially coming from a young man who feels he is only just beginning to live, just starting out. But I suppose regardless of age, there is truth to this.


When you are younger, shouldn’t you feel more disabled? Like more things are out of your reach? More like you don’t have a voice? More in need of someone to help?...

Ope! There it is. Help. Let’s go back to an age when my reach/speech was in formation. Where I had help from those wiser than I to provide guidance, where I let it all be with God. Why as we grow, do we feel so inclined to control?


“Hold on, I feel like you could shine a little brighter, my love”


Growing up we learn lessons which force us to lose sight of the basic lessons we learned when we were younger, or “impaired.” That childish impairment was freedom. We had trust. We allowed ourselves to shine bright. We did have reach. We did have a voice. We fought for those liberties as children BUT we also had TRUST! We trusted we would be okay regardless of our ability and limitation.


7 years ago, I also posted the lyrics to New York City by Among Savages….(I was feeling it that day apparently). I couldn’t help but think maybe posting these lyrics was God’s hand, helping me for this very moment in 2020. To give clarity, ground me, and offer hope.


This song has always been dear to my heart. I LOVE every line in this song. I find the words profound. I asked myself why do I feel so connected to this song, from the moment I heard it, to now, years later? Not only are the words amazing, but the feeling while listening is restless. The general beat is forward moving and is infused with beautiful harmony. There is random shouting, there is a gentle and constant melody. It’s all distracting. You could listen to the song eight different times and notice something different every time; latch onto something different and follow it to the end. It portrays life. Moments of chaos, clarity, beauty, but it’s constant and encouraging. Even the album name “Wanderings of an Illustrative Mind” points to finding truth.

Here is my prayer to cope.


New York City, where all your girls are pretty, all your men are running from somewhere, making a name for themselves.


  • I love New York. I have never been, but at one point I thought I would live there.

  • I love that this song uses the ideals of people in that city to relate to the life of the listener

  • Distractions are all around us daily and to lose sight of the greater good or what is truly needed cannot be intentional. There is nothing wrong with being pretty, nothing wrong with making a name for yourself, but what is the intention?

  • Ambition inspired by magnanimity

Lord, help me to know my intentions. Justify those intentions on this journey to do Your will.

Are you running from something or did you come from nothing? Are you testing the Lord with the cards that you’ve been dealt?


  • What is distracting me in my daily life that makes me feel I have so much to prove?

  • What am I not acknowledging?

  • What don’t I allow myself to feel?

  • Why don’t I trust the Lord wholeheartedly EVERY TIME?

  • Am I willing to grow through what the Lord has me go through?


Lord, keep me present. Help me acknowledge areas where I need to grow on this journey to do Your will.

Where do you find peace in the middle of the city? Hard enough to find a friend when everyone’s starting over again.


  • Where do I find my peace?

  • What do I prioritize?

  • Who is on this same journey with me?

  • Life is crazy…do I allow myself to contribute to the crazy? Or do I seek out positive change and balance?


Lord, help me find peace. Keep me focused on You and bringing others to You on this journey to do Your will.

I feel like a child in a world that seems shapeless. When I am most afraid, is when I get sucked back in.


  • Child….there is that word again. I do feel like a child when I can’t seem to find the point. I don’t always act like a child and run to my Father for help though.

  • When I am afraid, or confused, I lose track. I allow myself to feed into the negative because misery loves company. I stop striving for my calling.


Lord, humble me. Give me strength to run to You and not lose sight of my purpose on this journey to do Your will.

Yeah, you came here with nothing and you’re leaving with the same. Sometimes the road that you were walking on is going the wrong way.


  • I entered this world alone, I will leave it ALONE….FALSE. I never really enjoyed this phrase when people say it. I entered this world broken and I will leave it saved, baptized by truth. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t get lost along the way.

  • The roads we walk in this life are all choices. I like to say, every choice has a consequence, even the good choices. Saying yes to something is saying no to something else.

  • What do I do if I am on a road going the wrong way? Do I even know it’s the wrong way? I need to stop. Figure out the right way. Go that way. Yes, sometimes that means asking someone for directions. It usually means turning on the GPS (God) and trusting the way and just following.


Lord, help me to trust. Enable me to judge promptly and rightly on this journey to do Your will.

Just come as you are. When you leave you will be changed. Everyday is a gift, everyday is a gift and it’s all slipping away.


  • I am invited by those around me and especially God to come as I am. I don’t need to be anything else but me.

  • When I leave, I will be changed….if I open myself up, I will receive the peace I seek from everything I am running from or trying to control.

  • Change is inevitable when you are willing to grow and you go to the right source.

  • This journey to heaven has an expiration date, find the gifts, and stop wasting time you don’t have.


Lord, help me to accept. Open my eyes to see the gifts You have revealed on this journey to do Your will.

Now if you leave, will you feel defeated cause you didn’t take from the city as much as the city took from you?


  • What is the point?

  • I don’t want to feel defeated…ever. I want to succeed. I am not great at asking for help, but it is so necessary.

  • I didn’t “take from the city” (earth, daily life, etc.) as much as it took from me….I have purpose. I have crosses. I am here for others. Others are here for me. I have a purpose. The purpose is for God.

  • I can’t continue to allow daily life to take more from me than I am receiving back. Not in a selfish way. In a resounding selfless way! I can give my time, talent, and treasure to those around me, if I see the purpose; if I learn my lessons. But only if I have taken care of myself first.

  • Burnout sucks. Rest leads to service. Service leads to purpose.


Lord, give me knowledge. Allow me to see things from Your perspective and remain constant that You are my purpose on this journey to do Your will.

What if you’d stayed? What if you’d done what you were thinking? I’d rather you give up on life in the city than giving up on life, too. It must be hard to live in the midst of all those buildings. Where the changing of the wind don’t seem a miracle at all. And by the hands of man, it’s a maze of bad habits where the rabbit in the hat is just a train in the fog.


  • Staying in a mindset of confusion is stressful.

  • Stress doesn’t help, it clouds. It gives power to hesitation. It halts.

  • Earthly concerns should not overwhelm the greater good.

  • Life is hard. Distractions occur.

  • Obstacles in life should not take precedence, they should form character and help one to grow.

  • I don’t want to be so distracted by life’s hardships that I miss out on the miracles and gifts God reveals.

  • I never want to stop being amazed by something as simple as the changing of the wind. I want to be present and aware of the workings of the Holy Spirit.

  • Those around me should help me grow, challenge me to do better. In return, I should help others to grow.

  • I don’t want to be distracted by tricks or have my eyes closed to the greater truth. What may appear to be innocent could end up derailing progress to Heaven and be the very thing that comes out of nowhere and is toxic.


Lord, give me wisdom. Help me to love first and foremost on this journey to do Your will.

Follow your dreams but beware of the illusions. You won’t fill the void in your heart with a bank statement and a car. What is it worth, what is it worth? Have you given up on freedom? You spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along.


  • God puts dreams on the heart for a reason. If it is continuous, it’s relevant.

  • Discernment is the key to guide to truth and understanding. God will lead the decision. Others will justify it (for good or to fight it). I am the only one who can accept to implement. Free will is power.

  • The means won’t justify the end.

  • Grace is key to peace.

  • What is it worth? Powerful question. (I love questions!) How convicted do you feel for this? How much fortitude is necessary? How strong does the worth feel to you?

  • If you feel like freedom is compromised, it isn’t right. Heavy or light? Never forget that!

  • Remember the end goal. God already gave us the answers. He showed us how to be human. He showed us how to get to heaven. He is the key.


Lord, give me reverence. Humble me to rely solely on you for direction on this journey to do Your will.

New York City, where all your girls are pretty. All your men are running from somewhere making a name for themselves. Are you running from something or did you come from nothing? Are you testing the Lord with the cards that you’ve been dealt?


Lord, give me virtue. Strengthen me in charity, faith, prudence, courage, hope, and justice. Keep my focus on You on this journey to do Your will.

How peaceful it is that I know what I SHOULD do to feel grounded, I know WHO I SHOULD be turning to for clarity.


God, grant me the grace to turn to you for peace and clarity, and surprise me daily so I never forget.

The full Prayer:


Lord, help me to know my intentions. Justify those intentions on this journey to do Your will.

Lord, keep me present. Help me acknowledge areas where I need to grow on this journey to do Your will.

Lord, help me find peace. Keep me focused on You and bringing others to You on this journey to do Your will.

Lord, humble me. Give me strength to run to You and not lose sight of my purpose on this journey to do Your will.

Lord, help me to trust. Enable me to judge promptly and rightly on this journey to do Your will.

Lord, help me to accept. Open my eyes to see the gifts You have revealed on this journey to do Your will.

Lord, give me knowledge. Allow me to see things from Your perspective and remain constant that You are my purpose on this journey to do Your will.

Lord, give me reverence. Humble me to love first and foremost on this journey to do Your will.

Lord, give me virtue. Strengthen me in charity, faith, prudence, courage, hope, and justice. Keep my focus on You on this journey to do Your will.

God, grant me the grace to turn to You for peace and clarity, and surprise me daily so I never forget.

AMEN.



This is the man I get to marry!! Whoa! How lucky am I that he has such a heart of devotion for the Lord and is constantly striving to better himself, find his purpose, and carry others along with him on this journey to do the Lord’s will and get to heaven? I have always been so captivated by his heart and I thank God for him daily. I can’t wait to do life with him. I can’t wait to be united in heart and soul and dream with him. I can’t wait to chase after Jesus with him as my husband. We all have special people in our lives, whether that is a parent, a sibling, a friend, a cousin, a mentor, a coworker, a spouse, an aunt or uncle. Whoever those certain people are that you are seeking shelter and comfort in to help hold you afloat during this time, thank them today. The Lord gives us the gift of one another for a reason. Relish in the delight of those people today. Hang in there. Keep holding on. The sun will come up, it always does 😊


<3 Michelle

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